How to Have Anal Sex: Top 10 Questions Answered
If you want to know how to have anal sex safely while maximizing pleasure, look no further. Whether you're looking to embark on your first anal adventure or are looking to spice up your existing anal play (alone or with a partner) with new positions, masturbation techniques and simply how to make anal sex feel good, we've got your back with our ultimate collection of anal sex preparation tips.
1. Do I need lube for anal sex?
Yes - in terms of what to know before trying anal sex the first time, using lube for anal sex ranks high on the list. In fact, we recommend using lube for all kinds of sex, including vaginal penetration and masturbation; it's a game-changer. The best lubricant for safe anal play is silicone-based lubricant as it's long-lasting and won't dry out leading to discomfort. However, there are also ultra-plush water-based lubricants such as the pjur BACK DOOR line that are designed specifically for anal play.
2. Should I use numbing lube?
We don't recommend numbing agents because you want to feel when something isn't right - pain or discomfort is an important indication that you need more preparation and stretching before more intense anal activities. Products containing ingredients like lidocaine or benzocaine make it so you can't feel injuries like bruising or tearing. Instead we recommend using a high quality lubricant made specifically for anal, so that you can gradually relax while staying aware of your body. Look for an anal lube that's long lasting, that way you can take your time preparing and stretching and enjoy smooth movement for the entire duration of sex. For instance, pjur analyse me! Relaxing is a premium silicone lube formulated specifically for anal sex that contains jojoba and lasts as long as you do. Start with a liberal amount applied to the anus and whatever you're inserting - use more than you think you need, you might be surprised at how much you enjoy the additional glide. And feel free to add more as you're exploring!
3. How do I prepare for anal sex?
First, clear the way. An hour or so before you're about to explore anal go to the bathroom and try to gently encourage a bowel movement - but don't strain or push. All you want to do is empty the first few inches of your rectum, not push anything from further up in the rectum towards the end. A fiber-rich diet can be very helpful in keeping a consistent bathroom schedule and making sure that everything comes out in a solid piece.
Before you dive into the mechanics of how to have anal sex, you might feel more comfortable beginning by cleaning the area with some anal hygiene. Generally using a bidet, baby wipes, or unscented soap and warm water to clean the area outside of the anus is enough to get started. If you want something a bit more rigorous you can give yourself a deep clean by using a small amount of water in a douche or enema 1-2 hours before anal play. For added peace of mind, you can set down a towel on the bed. Just remember with anal sex there is always some risk of mess, and both you and your partner can take the pressure off each other by communicating throughout and reassuring each other that you?re comfortable and excited about exploring together regardless of mess.
Now it's time to relax and stretch. Start with the lube we mentioned, and lots of it. Rather than going straight to penetration, you'll want to ease in with some foreplay. A sensual external anal massage can help relax the muscles and prepare you. Lightly stroke and press against the anus and perineum, gradually increasing pressure to activate the nerves in the tissue and build arousal. You can also use a vibrating toy externally in this area, and if you're playing with a partner, use oral play or rimming to further relax.
When you're ready, make sure you have a lot of lube on one finger and insert it into the anus move it in and out, and side to side to begin stretching the muscles. Once you feel comfortable, gradually add another finger and repeat the motions, adding in a scissoring motion to further stretch the muscles. Gradually work up to the size of fingers or object you want to insert. Continue to add lube as you go.
4. How can I make anal sex feel good?
Anal sex for beginners can be daunting, but the first step of learning how to have comfortable anal sex for beginners is realizing that you should always start small. When learning how to have anal sex, size matters!
Start with well-lubricated fingers and small butt plugs or beads (only used after the relaxation techniques we've mentioned above) rather than penetrating with a penis immediately. As any penetration is about to happen (and is happening) take deep slow breaths which will both relax the body and any anxiety you have surrounding the experience.
5. Is anal sex safe?
Like any other type of sex, with the right measures and protection, anal sex can absolutely be safe. A key part of safety is lube, which is critical as it prevents any tears or injuries associated with penetration in these delicate tissues. Going slowly is also vital as going too quickly before you're ready can lead to injuries. Remember to listen to your body, and avoid doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. Stay away from numbing cream with lidocaine or benzocaine, as it can stop your brain from detecting pain and, hence, lead to serious injury.
Another is condom usage, which can help prevent STI transmissions from the exchange of bodily fluids. If you're engaging in outercourse like rimjobs without penetration, a dental dam can be used for added safety. If you're in a monogamous relationship and are being tested regularly, you may decide to engage in unprotected anal sex. In that case, keep in mind that for people with vulvas, dripping semen after climax can potentially result in pregnancy, so be sure to clean up well afterwards.
6. How do I use anal sex toys to masturbate?
While learning how to have anal sex is a great add-on for your pleasure toolkit, anal masturbation can be an incredible experience. It can even lead to an anal orgasm. You can start by using a well-lubed finger to massage the inside and outside of the anus.
After you've gotten used to that sensation, you can move on to small butt plugs, anal vibrators, and anal beads. A tapered design is best for beginners. It's important to only use toys that are specifically designed for anal use and have a flared base to ensure that the toy doesn't slip inside the anus and get lost in the rectum. Otherwise, you might require medical intervention.
People with prostates (and even those without) can explore prostate massagers, which target the P-spot. If you're a beginner, you might want to invest in a set of anal plugs which generally contains three plugs of different sizes, allowing you to try different options as you gain more experience. Dildos with a suction cup base can allow you to stick it to a surface like a chair, floor, or shower wall, leaving your hands free to stimulate other erogenous zones.
7. What is the best position for anal sex?
Positions like spooning and cowgirl are great for beginners. Spooning allows for a relaxed yet intimate experience that reduces weight-bearing, and cowgirl/boy puts the receiver in control, allowing them to decide the depth, rhythm, and pace of penetration. It also has an added perk of allowing for clitoral stimulation and other erogenous zones by either partner.
Positions like doggy-style require a high level of communication since you don't have eye contact with the person in control of the movement and depth.
8. How can I be a better top or bottom?
Being a better top or bottom during anal sex is all about consent, communication, and body awareness. If you're a top, stay aware of your partner's cues and check in with them frequently. Take time to explore effective warm-up techniques and choose an anal lubricant that supports comfort and pleasure. pjur BACK DOOR and pjur analyse me! formulas are enriched with soothing, moisturizing ingredients like hyaluron and jojoba to help ease you in gently.
To be a better bottom, prepare your body with relaxation and preparation. Become a master of preparation techniques with solo play (the best way to learn what your sexual likes and dislikes) and get comfortable communicating with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't. Choose positions that give you control and create a feeling of comfortable anal penetration. Partnered anal play is all about shared trust and comfort, and these tips can help you prioritize that.
9. Why does anal sex hurt?
In learning how to have anal sex, an important piece of knowledge is that pleasure shouldn't be painful (unless you're trying BDSM, but that's a whole other conversation). If anal sex hurts, you're most likely not using enough lube or doing too much too soon. Never skip a warm-up or go too fast. These are very sensitive tissues that you're dealing with.
Additionally, don't forget the importance of being fully relaxed and reducing nervousness. Don't give in to appease a partner; your body is sending you a message, and muscles in your rectum and pelvic floor will tighten up as a result, making penetration painful. Breathe and take it slow, and don't be afraid to stop at any point.
10. What is the best anal sex aftercare
Aftercare is one of the most essential anal sex tips for couples of all experience levels. After penetration, withdraw the finger(s), toy or penis slowly. The person penetrating should provide the bottom with either a warm cloth or a wipe for a quick but calm clean up. Check in with each other emotionally. Receivers, don't be afraid to communicate what you need, whether it's some cuddling, pillow talk, or a quiet space. The giving partner should be attentive to the receiver's needs.
Always withdraw slowly. After feeling so full, the receiver may feel a sense of loss or emptiness, which can be quite emotional for some people. Once any necessary quick clean-up is done, the giver should be attentive to the receiver's immediate physical and emotional needs. A little aftercare always goes a long way.
