Exploring Voyeurism and Exhibitionism In Your Relationship: How This Fantasy Can Spice up Your Sex Life.

If the thought of having sex in public, being watched, or watching someone else turns you on, you might have a voyeurism or exhibitionism kink. These are some of the most common fantasies, and kinks like candaulism, wife-sharing, and cuckolding are also connected to these concepts. At the heart of these kinks are the primal instincts to look, be seen, and push boundaries. They ride a fine line between desire and danger in a way that gets your heart racing, and if you're into any of these experiences, you're not alone! In our guide, we'll take a deep dive into these spicy activities, exploring pleasure dynamics and important safety tips like mutual consent.

What is voyeurism?

For many people, watching sex can be just as exciting as directly participating. Voyeurism is when somebody gets aroused from watching others in intimate or sexual situations, sometimes without their knowledge. It's important to mention that non-consensual voyeurism is not only illegal but also a violation of privacy. However, when this kink is explored ethically and with consent from all parties through role play or group play scenarios, it can be incredibly hot. Voyeurism isn't always about the secrecy aspect - for many, it's a way to explore their inner curiosity and sexual imagination in a thrilling way that explores something that's typically forbidden. 

How to practice consensual voyeurism 

Common forms of voyeurism and scenarios you might want to experiment with include:

Watching your partner pleasure themselves: Have your partner masturbate in front of you. To up the 'observer' sensation, you can ask permission to hide somewhere nearby, such as a closet, and watch through a crack in the door. If they're also into this kink, you can turn it into a mutual masturbation session, opening the door just enough so that they see you. To heighten the mystery, blindfold yourself or your partner. Blocking one sense can enhance others.

Attend play parties: At many sex parties, watching is allowed and even encouraged. Before you attend, be sure to confirm that just watching others is allowed. You can watch your partner get it on with others, or observe other couples engaging in sexual activities. Always bring lube and your own supplies like condoms and even toys to a play party - just in case you do want to play with others beyond voyeurism.

Enjoy porn and live cam shows: Voyeurism is a popular pornography genre (be sure to watch ethical porn where it's confirmed two consenting adults are being filmed) but if you want to up the ante and experience it in real-time, consider exploring the world of cam models and live cam shows. You can also set up mirrors or film sexual encounters with consent. 

What is exhibitionism?

While voyeurs enjoy watching others, exhibitionists derive pleasure from being watched. If you're an exhibitionist, you likely get turned on by being seen in a sexual context, either from flashing, being naked in public, or having sex in a place or at a time when there's a heightened risk of being noticed. Like voyeurism, consent and boundaries from all parties involved are essential before exploring any of these fantasies.

Ways to practice exhibitionism 

Common forms of exhibitionism and scenarios you might want to experiment with include:

Filming yourself: Record yourself and send it to a consenting partner. You can also upload a video and share it online on adult platforms if you want a larger audience.

Perform for a partner: This can be done in a window or on video chat. You can also have sex with someone while showing off to a consenting watching party - more on that in our next point. 

Attend play parties: Instead of being the watcher in this scenario, you'll revel in being the watched. Sex parties or swingers gatherings offer a safe space to let that inner performer explore!

Keep the lights on: If you're beginning to explore this fantasy, an approachable way to start out is to have sex with the lights on. The thrill of being watched might inspire you to fulfill your imagination in other creative ways!

Other common kinks related to exhibitionism and voyeurism 

What is cuckolding?

A cuckold is someone who enjoys watching their partner have sex with another person. If you're interested in consensual non-monogamy or are already in a non-monogamous relationship, this activity involves being a spectator and has an aspect of humiliation. Generally, the watcher will take on a passive and submissive role, getting aroused by watching their partner have sex with someone else. Cuckolding is largely about humiliation, playing with power, and submission. To take cuckolding a step further and to dominate the 'cuckold' even more, they can be forced even more strictly into the exclusive observer role by wearing a chastity device which prevents masturbation and getting an erection. 

What is wife-sharing? 

Wife-sharing can fit into any of the above categories. More broadly, it's a form of partner sharing that can range from consensual non-monogamy to performative exhibitionism and voyeurism. It may involve inviting others to have consensual sex with your partner, watching your partner with someone else, or being the person who is 'shared'. This is a common practice for people interested in swinging, 'hotwifing' or even polyamory, and can be a fun way to encourage your partner to pursue pleasure outside of your relationship with them. 

What is candaulism? 

Ever thought your partner was so hot you wanted someone else to enjoy the show? Candaulism is a sexual fantasy where one person derives pleasure from exposing their partner to people outside of the relationship, such as posting pictures or videos of them online. It can also be viewed as the practice of undressing or exposing a partner to others. This must be explored consensually and is a great opportunity to explore CNC, or consensual non-consent role play with your partner, and see if that release of control is something they might be interested in. Many couples combine this kink with blindfolds or restraints to intensify the feeling of being 'on display'.

Setting boundaries in BDSM: communication and consent 

Voyeurism, exhibitionism, candaulism, wife-sharing, and cuckolding all live on the same erotic spectrum, and the key to these kinks is open communication, mutual respect, and consent. Without consent, many of these activities are considered a crime. Consent doesn't only make these kinks legal - it makes them more pleasurable and deeply affirming for everyone involved.

First, you'll want to establish what's off limits and what's a go. These things may change over time, so rather than seeing this as a one-time conversation, consider this a regular check-in to have any time you?re about to embark on a scenario. Choosing whether you use products like lube, restraints, or blindfolds can also be part of the consent conversation.

Always establish safe words or stop signals, such as the traffic light system (green for 'go', yellow for 'pause,' and red for 'stop immediately'), as a way to communicate during playtime. As part of your aftercare routine, have a debrief discussing how it felt, what you enjoyed, and what you would change next time. 

All of these factors can help you forge a deeper connection with your partner in an emotionally safe way.

Is it normal to have these fantasies? 

Wondering if you're alone in having these thoughts? Short answer: you're not. It's extremely normal - in fact, voyeurism and exhibitionism are within the top five most common sexual fantasies across different genders, sexual orientations, and age groups.  They are not unusual and reflect a healthy desire to explore intimacy in a novel or taboo way, and can strengthen your relationship when practiced in a healthy way.

Additional tips for exploring these kinks 

Begin with dirty talk

Starting right away with a cam show or play party can be overwhelming or intimidating for newbies. Instead, consider indulging these fantasies with your partner via dirty talk, asking them to touch themselves, watch you (or be watched), or imagine that someone is watching you. 

Consider private role play

Public sex isn't always possible (or legal), but recreating a public setting at home can be just as sexy. You can pretend to get 'caught' by being watched in a living room or bedroom window, or doing the deed on your balcony or backyard.

Watch ethical porn that covers these kinks 

Watching solo or with a partner on platforms like OnlyFans allows you to engage with real people in consensual ways and even customize content, whether you're the one creating it or watching someone else's.

Join sex positive spaces 

Kink events, such as play parties or swingers' parties, offer a safe and consensual event and also allow you to meet like-minded people in the community with the same fantasies as you, and most importantly, rules to ensure that everyone is protected.

Enhance the experience with toys, accessories, and lubes 

App-controlled vibrators for remote play or two-way audio toys are the perfect add-on for many of these fantasies. Similarly, blindfolds can create the excitement of being watched without seeing, and can also heighten sensation and anticipation. You can also invest in lingerie, slowly stripteasing for a partner if you want to show off for them (or if they want to watch you). You may also want to consider a voyeur-friendly mirror that allows you to watch your partner from multiple angles. 

Adding sensation-enhancing lube can also be a way to make all of these scenarios more thrilling, particularly when combined with sensation play accessories we discussed earlier, like a blindfold. Whether you're the one putting on a show or just watching from the sidelines, bringing these elements into your playtime can boost your arousal and your connection.