How to Spice Up your Sex Life with These Top Tips

Sex is supposed to be one of life's greatest pleasures - but what happens when everything in your life is great except the sex? Even if you love your partner, get along great, and have a solid foundation, dealing with issues between the sheets can be frustrating. Even the strongest relationships can face intimacy challenges at some point. If you've ever wondered how to improve sex life satisfaction, the answer might be as simple as better communication, tools, and time. Studies show that regular communication and touch can improve sex life satisfaction in couples. Here are our top sex tips to bring the heat back.

Common sex problems

All kinds of issues can arise in the bedroom when communication is neglected. Perhaps your partner is unsure where to put their hands or how to properly stimulate your erogenous zones. Maybe they're rarely in the mood for sex and aren't exactly excited when it happens. Or could the issue be that one person wants vanilla sex and doesn't want to explore new kinks or avenues of intimacy?

Making an effort to understand and fulfill your partner's preferences is important, and it's just as important for your preferences to be taken into consideration as well. Over time, preferences and desires can change, and that's perfectly fine. Whether you're at the beginning of a relationship and just figuring out each other's needs or are stuck in a rut after spending years together, there are several things you can do to ensure a satisfying sex life. 

What can help with how to improve sex life if you're dealing with issues

If you can't seem to mesh sexually with your partner or if things aren't going the way you've hoped, don't worry! Much of this boils down to open communication and honesty, both with your partner and with yourself. If you?re wondering, 'What can I do to improve my sex life?', we have a few ideas you can try out. 

Talk about where you're not feeling fulfilled and what your desires are

Stating what you want is the first step, but we know that this is often easier said than done. Talking about sex with your partner takes tact. You don't want to offend your partner or make them feel as though they're being attacked or you're criticizing them. Try to communicate your needs in a gentle way and ideally, in a setting where you're both feeling comfortable and relaxed.

Consider integrating it into a date night - cook a meal together and do a deep dive into what both of you enjoy in bed and what you'd like to try. You can even turn this into a sexy exercise by masturbating in front of them to show where and how you like to be touched. Communication can help you get closer not only sexually, but can also forge a deeper overall connection in your relationship.

Be proactive and come up with a list of ideas to spice up sex life

Learning how to spice up the bedroom can start with simple shifts, and that often starts with looking inward. Rather than placing the blame on your partner, it's important to take accountability and responsibility. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, see things with a glass-half-full mentality and focus on what you can improve!

Take things into your own hands and brainstorm all the ways you'd like to spice things up. Sharing this with your partner can even act as a form of foreplay. Come up with new couples' sex positions, toys, and accessories you can try together, or suggest a change of location. All of these are factors that can help you troubleshoot how to improve sex life fulfillment. 

Boosting pleasure with lube and arousal gel

If you're thinking about exploring with sex toys, lube goes hand in hand with pleasure products. In fact, we don't recommend using them without lubing up first. Silicone and water-based lubricants can help reduce friction and enhance pleasure. If you're experiencing vaginal dryness, using masturbation sleeves, or exploring anal play, it's vital. And even if you're not, it can help you focus on sensation more and experience better orgasms. 
Arousal gel is also a fantastic option that combines the benefits of sex toys and lube to enhance libido. These stimulating formulas boost blood flow to your erogenous zones with special ingredients to heighten sensitivity. For partners with mismatched libidos, these products can help you meet in the middle. For instance, pjur WOMAN Lust Intense Vibrating Orgasm Gel mimics the sensation of a vibrator on the clitoris. The tingly formula is water-based, making it safe to combine with sex toys for maximum sensation. 

Take things into your own hands (literally)

Sometimes, talking isn't always enough when it comes to explaining what sensation you like or how you like to be touched. In that case, showing is better than telling. If your partner isn't quite sure what to do or when, don?t be afraid to take the lead.

As you tell them what you want, gently guide their hand exactly where you want it. This can even serve as a low-pressure form of foreplay, helping them understand what you want, and feel free to include some dirty talk! Sex is a skill that people in a relationship learn together as they navigate each other's preferences. Confidence is a highly attractive quality, and knowing what you like can improve the experience for both you and your partner. 

Keep expectations realistic

You deserve pleasure, but getting things right sometimes takes patience. Even taking the right steps and communication doesn't guarantee a perfect orgasm every time. Adding pressure to have a breathtaking climax each time doesn't help. Instead, remember that pleasure is a journey, not a destination. Not reaching orgasm doesn't mean that you - or your partner - is a failure, and it can happen for a variety of reasons. Remember: figuring out how to have better sex means acknowledging that pleasure can exist outside of orgasms as well. Sex is an intimate exchange and a way to explore connection with your partner, and if it ends in an orgasm and fireworks, great! If not, there's always room for that passion to grow and develop over time. 

Spend time on foreplay

If you're looking at how to improve sex, one of the most powerful tools and sex tips for women and vulva owners is foreplay. For people with vulvas, it can take up to 20 minutes to reach a full state of arousal, which is why foreplay is crucial. And regardless of your gender or anatomy, foreplay can make you feel more connected. When you rush into penetration, you're missing out on some incredible intimacy that can increase physical arousal and build anticipation. 
Slow down and take your time using lube, arousal gel, and sex toys. This can all help blood flow build in the genitals, but so can simply using your hands and mouth. Take your time with kissing, touching, oral sex, and sensual massage, which can all increase genital blood flow. Feel free to read up on oral sex tips and sex toys online if you want to expand your skillset. Extended foreplay also counts as sex and can absolutely be the main event.

Do you know your own erogenous zones?

But what many people don't know is that pleasure can be a mirror and starts with ourselves. It begins with self-awareness and exploring your own body. Good sex often starts with solo masturbation sessions. If you?re unsure what turns you on or where you like to be touched, you can't properly communicate that to your partner or guide them. 
Exploring your own body with arousal serums, lube, and sex toys can help you communicate more clearly and confidently. You can start with your hands, lightly grazing your fingertips to see what makes you gasp with delight - maybe it's your inner thighs, your ear lobes, or your nipples. Sometimes, your erogenous zones can be unexpected, so take your time to learn your body and use additional tools to help you explore. A feather tickler can be a great way to further learn what sensations turn you on.

Examine other lifestyle factors

While what goes down in the bedroom certainly plays a large role in your sex life, there are other things in your life that could be affecting your sex drive and how you feel during intimacy. Not getting enough quality sleep can impact hormones and make it more difficult to both feel aroused and reach climax. 

The same goes for stress and burnout. When you're distracted by chronic stress, it can be a major libido killer. And while we can't always control external factors, practicing deep breathing and meditation may help regulate your nervous system. Diet also impacts sex drive - minimizing processed foods and eating a nutrient-rich diet supports healthy hormones and circulation.
Exercise also improves blood flow while boosting your confidence and mood. And remember to make time for each other beyond sexual moments. This will help you strengthen emotional intimacy and set the foundation for better sex. 

Good sex takes time

'How do you have sex?' might seem like a basic question, but the truth is, everyone does it a little differently, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution for every couple. Exploring your desires is part of the fun, but it can take time, and things won't immediately shift overnight. If you're looking to spice up sex, it can be a process. If you really want lasting change to occur, you might have to navigate a few awkward conversations or clumsy sessions together at first. But practice makes perfect. 

Once you start communicating honestly and trying the things we've mentioned in this guide, you and your partner will begin to learn this new rhythm. Progress will happen - even if it's a bumpy road. Learning how to improve your sex life isn't about perfection; it's about growth. With patience, curiosity, and kindness, you and your partner can move past the 'bad in bed' phase.