How to Prepare for Anal Sex: A Beginner’s Guide to Comfort, Safety, and Lube.
It's time to talk about anal sex, y'all. More specifically, it's time to talk about how to prepare your booty for the most pleasurable anal sex possible. Before we begin, let's establish the foundation for our conversation. Learning about sex should be fun! Shame-free! Exciting! Empowering! Whether you're just starting to try new things or have been spicing up your sex life for years, everyone is welcome here. Sex is an ever-evolving human experience, and there's always more to learn and explore. If you've been curious about anal sex and have no idea where to begin, you're in the right place.
Consider this your one-stop shop for everything you'll need to prepare for the most comfy anal sex experience possible. Now, let's get into this juicy goodness!
First things first, what IS anal sex?
Anal sex is any sexual play involving the butthole. This could mean anal oral play, teasing, external stimulation, penetration by penis, sex toy, or fingering.
Why would I want to have anal sex?
Anal sex can bring a lot of pleasure, exploration, and intimacy to any relationship. What's something interesting about buttholes, you might wonder? We ALL have them! This can make anal sex exploration exciting because each partner can be a giver and/or a receiver. Plus, it feels good, and who doesn't love that?
For penis owners, the prostate is full of nerves that can allow for full-body orgasms! This can be explored with toys, fingering, and anal penetration. For vulva owners, the proximity of the anus to the clitoris and vaginal wall can create a type of pressure that heightens pleasure sensations. A little FYI—every body is different. Take your time navigating what makes your body really tick!
It's time for (dramatic drum roll, please).... Anal sex myth busters!!
Is anal sex gay?
Just with anything, the act itself isn’t gay or straight—it’s who you’re doing it with and what it means to you. Like I mentioned before, everyone has a booty. Our bodies are meant to be explored and to feel good. And desiring to be pleasured or pleasure someone else's butthole is incredibly common. No sex act is inherently "gay" or "straight." Sex is sex!
To clarify even further, no sex act takes away or adds to your gender or sexuality preference. As esteemed therapist, author, and podcaster, Esther Perel says, "The erotic mind isn't politically correct." Meaning, no matter how you were raised or what you were taught about sex growing up, what you desire is YOURS to explore. Most of the time, we don't choose our kinks or desires. We're often so quick to shame ourselves when it comes to sex, but sex is all about adult play. It's about experiencing and pleasuring the body YOU exist within every day!
Is anal sex normal?
It's incredibly normal! There's nothing weird about desiring anal. To be totally blunt, we use all our other holes for sex; why not our booties?
Is anal sex always painful?
No, anal sex is not always painful. This is why articles like this one are SO important! Most of the time, if something during sex hurts, it likely means we need to take a few extra precautions to make things more pain-free. Anal sex can be completely comfortable and pleasurable; it just might take a little extra TLC (don't worry, we'll get into all the specifics). A friendly reminder—never “push through” sexual pain. Not only does it not feel good, but it can also cause significant discomfort and pain later. Pain doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you; it’s your body’s way of telling you something needs a bit more attention. And, if given that attention, you could have a pain-free sexy time!
Does anal sex stretch out my butthole?
During the act of anal sex, yes, your butthole will expand. BUT the butthole also retracts back to its standard size post sexual intercourse. What many may not realize is that our buttholes are actually incredibly elastic! Our sphincter muscles may be tight at first (they're getting used to anal too!), but that's why prep before and after is so important.
Now, how do I start anal sex?
Anal sex can be a fabulous option for partnered (or solo!) sex—and to have the most comfortable, pleasurable experience possible, it's essential to talk about sexual care.
Before anything sexy starts, it's best to be hygienically ready for anal sex. Like most other sexual situations, cleanliness is essential. Since anal includes our booties, I (STRONGLY) encourage you to clean before sexy time!
~Foreplay~
Next, chat with your partner(s) about what you may both need to ~get in the mood~. Just like other forms of penetrative sex, the body usually needs help warming up and relaxing into itself. While the booty can be a pleasurable form of sexual fun, moving too quickly could cause tearing and discomfort. It's magical what some foreplay can do for relaxing the body!
Quick interjection here to break down what exactly foreplay means. Foreplay, in my personal and professional opinion, can be anything that gets the sexy time rolling. Historically, and because of the patriarchal society we live in, foreplay has usually been associated with oral sex and other outercourse activities. But if you're asking this sex educator, for a lot of folks, outercourse IS sex. So, foreplay is anything that brings YOU into your body and gets the sexy time ball rolling. This could be smooching, massages, naked massages, cuddling in the nude, hand jobs, blow jobs, cunnilingus, fingering, using sex toys—you name it! YOU get to be the decider of what makes your body feel fabulous.
Foreplay
Foreplay, in this scenario, could also mean anal sex prep. Here's the thing about our booties—they are FULL of glands and nerves inside that will feel truly delightful during sexy time. AND, butts need a little extra love (before the lovin', if you will). Before anal is even attempted, it's best to start by exploring with fingering and/or anal sex toys. This not only helps get your booty ready for penetration, but it can help make anal sex even more relaxed and pleasurable when it happens.
Anal Toys
Anal toys are ideal for anyone looking to explore butt play on their own or with a partner. Shopping might feel daunting at first, so I'm here to help you out! There are plugs of all different sizes, dildos of all different sizes, and endless options to help you get into the swing of anal play. Let's talk about a few!
Butt plugs
Butt plugs are a fabulous option for first starting on our anal sex journey. Butt plugs come in all shapes, sizes, and textures. It's even possible to buy butt plug training kits—this is a kit of different sizes of butt plugs that help you work up to the size of a penis. Want to take it up a notch or two? There are also vibrating butt plugs. These can be spicy for partner play, especially if the butt plug has a remote.
Anal beads
Anal beads are another great toy that comes in many different options. What's the difference between butt plugs and anal beads? Simply a matter of preference. Anal beads can apply a completely different sensation than a butt plug because of their beaded nature. This makes insertion and removal fun to play around with!
Prostate vibrators
Penis owners, this one's for you! The prostate can be wildly pleasurable during booty play. There are toys designed specifically for prostate pleasure, but it can also be reached through butt plugs, anal beads, anal fingering, or anal sex. Just as with anything else, these pleasure points are specific to YOU. Play around with it!
Lube isn't a maybe… It's a HELL YES
Now that we've sorted that out, let's imagine you're all foreplayed up and ready to start anal—what now? To protect against tearing, pain, and discomfort, apply (and you'll likely need to reapply during) lots of lubricant.
LUBE PSA: Avoid using oily lubes with condoms (try something water- or silicone-based) and never, ever, use lotions or petroleum jellies. It's best to use lubricants that are specifically designed for these sensitive parts of our bodies to avoid infections and ensure the safest possible experience. Also, the bottom doesn't naturally create moisture during penetration—keeping the butthole lubed will help protect against discomfort.
When it comes to insertion and penetration, our booties need help. If you've ever seen anal sex portrayed on TV, in movies, or in porn, it often seems like the penis just slips right in. I'm here to tell you, don't do that. It likely won't, and even if it does, to avoid friction-related pain, use lubrication. Lube is your sexy-time friend, use it!
How do I practice safe anal sex?
What makes anal sex even more fun, care-free, and sexy? Being responsible, of course! No matter what type of sexual activity you're taking part in, it is best to get tested regularly. Unless you are in a monogamous relationship where both partners are uninfected. Here's why—HIV, hepatitis B, HPV, genital warts, herpes, chlamydia, and gonorrhea are all transmissible through anal sex.
Because of this, it's best to always use protection (condoms) during anal sex. There's no shame in contracting a sexual infection, BUT we always want to be up to date with our bodies and honest with our sexual partners. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, part of the consent conversation is disclosing this information to your sexy time partner(s). Honesty and prep always lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences and allow for freedom of mind.
How do I overcome shyness about wanting to try anal?
A great place to start, regardless of the topic, is to discuss and learn about it. And since you've just read this article, the next step might be talking to your partner(s)! When it comes to sex, sometimes our desires can feel weird or shameful until we've talked about them with someone. Expressing the anal sex fantasy can even lead to verbal foreplay. Discussing the idea of something spicy with your partner(s) can make it even more approachable.
Another option? Watch some ethical anal sex porn for inspiration! Masturbating to ethical porn or using your own beautiful imagination can still be a fun form of exploration and sexual fun. This is also something you and your partner(s) can do together to gather position ideas and warm up to the idea.
Another idea? Go to a local sex shop with your partner(s) and look at all your options. Talk about what interests you, what makes you nervous, and what makes you both excited. I'm a firm believer that shyness can be overcome with experience. And most of the time, education and awareness help too.
Conclusion
Well, folks, you did it. You've learned about the ins and outs of anal sex prep. Now what? As someone who personally wishes pleasure for every BODY, I hope you take this information and implement it into your life. Have some fun! Try new things! Be safe! Sex is all about self-discovery and feeling good for the sake of ~feeling good~. And you deserve to feel good.
About the author
On the side, I run sex positivity accounts on Instagram and Substack called Honest Sexuality.
Photo credits: shutterstock_662146600; pexels-anna-shvets-5187574; shutterstock_499262773
